Acceptance

It's been a while since I have posted mainly because of depression. I haven't allowed myself to use my creativity in any form. It makes me sad because this is when I really NEED to use the arts. The arts are just part of me. All I need is the beach and a pencil and a paper.

So I am trying to accept that I can't do everything and even allow myself to not do everything. Trying to do everything gets me in a lot trouble. So while I am trying to accept this, I also need to ask for more help in things. I am tired, sad, and frustrated.

Today, publicly on my blog, I will work on drawing and using my creativity as an outlet to deal with feelings. I am at a poi t in my recovery that I hate the sadness more than I hate the unknown. I will draw today somehow someway.

New Tattoo

This past weekend was my birthday. I have mixed feelings about it big time. Each year I get older and older and each year I feel like I have accomplished nothing. A complete failure, again. And each year I tell myself to actually do something.

The truth is that  I accomplish a lot. I grow every day and learn to fight more and more. While I don't have a degree yet, don't have money, and don't have "things"; I do have my health and my personal growth. I also have my kids and a roof over my head. I have so much that a degree seems so small. It is still a goal of mine to get my degree and dream job but in the meantime I will continue to fight and grow as a person.

Which brings me to my tattoo. This tattoo was a birthday gift from someone and is filled with so much meaning. Yes, I did draw it because if it's on my skin permanently, it needs to mine. The meaning is pretty deep and intense so here I goes. A butterfly to represent freedom, a semi colon to represent that life is not over-it just keeps going, teal to represent cervical cancer awareness, and always a fighter because of everything I have overcome. I am not a victim anymore. Only a fighter for me and my soul!!!

I love my tattoo, I love that it is my drawing, and I love that I am at a point in my life to be able to finally express myself through art and otherwise. Keep on fighting!!!!